Tiger, the attack dog, and the killer cats
by lil zombie
Summary: OK, this is basically a skit that I made up [Woman with a million cats] and one that I just added to, sort of [The ax murdere gets attacked]...


******OK, here is another one, but I was just trying to get it done as fast as I could since I had other things to do... Damn school work... So I only put two skits in here. Hope this makes SOME sense. And I did take the ending for 'Woman with...' from a Simpsons' Halloween special, heh heh...  
  
  
-Woman with a million cats-  
  
Kevin walks out of a grocery store dressed in a long dress, flat shoes, and light grey wig [basically dressed as an old woman], carrying several bags, some paper but mostly plastic. But the contents are not visible from the outside of the plastic bags. He takes a deep breath and begins to walk down the street, he walks about a block or two and then turns to a house with two cats peering out of a window. He wanders up to the door and a kitten begins to meow, and he looks down to see a small tiger striped kitten mewing and his eyes beaming, while looking at the bags.  
  
Kevin: Now, now, Kitte. Wait 'til we get inside.  
  
He unlocks the door and walks in, followed by 'Kitte' and MANY other cats that were gathered around the house. He goes into the kitchen and turns on an electric can opener, sending the cats into a frenzy. An uncountable number of cats and petite kittens RUN into the kitchen at the same time and watch Kevin open can after can of cat food. Many of them lick their lips or look like they are going to pounce on him... Until he finally finishes the FIRST can. Kevin turns around and smiles at the cats, holding a small dish, that would feed about one cat at most. The cats begin to hiss and snarl at him, he begins to cringe, then the cats begin to 'attack' him. Most of them go for his ankles but a few auctally jump up and get around his face and back. Kevin falls to the ground screaming, the camera zooms in on six cats that had knocked over the can of food and are eating if from off of the counter.  
  
-theme starts and opening credits roll-  
  
  
  
  
-The ax murderer gets attacked-  
  
Dave is running from a house, covered in blood and gasping for breath. He runs through a park, filled with people, but no one notices him. He keeps running until he gets to a small group of homes lined up together, he watches the figure of a woman walk past a window in the last house. He dashes up to the door and begins to knock. A woman [Bruce] comes to the door in a robe and short blonde wig.  
  
Bruce: Hello...  
  
Dave: Hi, um, sorry to disturb you... But do you happen to own a dog?  
  
Bruce: Why, yes, I do.  
  
Dave: Is your dog a light brown, about this high, -Kneels down and holds his hand about a foot above the ground, then gets back up and faces Bruce- and has VERY sharp teeth?  
  
Bruce: Yes, that's him.  
  
Dave: Do you know if he has gotten out reciently?  
  
Bruce: No, I don't think he has...  
  
Dave: Well, you see, he apparently DID get loose, and... Well, let me give you the whole story... You see, I am an ax murderer and your little...  
  
Bruce: Tiger.  
  
Dave: Huh?  
  
Bruce: His name's Tiger.  
  
Dave shakes his head slightly.  
  
Dave: OK, Tiger, got loose and STOLE my ax while -begins to chuckle a bit- heh heh, I was in the middle of a murder!  
  
Bruce: Oh! That's just horrible.  
  
Bruce turns away from the door and goes to the back of the house. Looking out the back window he sees 'Tiger' snarling and holding in his mouth an ax covered in blood, showing [as Dave described] his VERY sharp teeth.  
  
Bruce: I am so sorry, about that...  
  
Dave: Yes, well, next time just make sure to tie him up better.  
  
Bruce: Uh-huh.  
  
Dave turns to leave, but then comes back.  
  
Dave: Oh, yea... One more thing. Can I have my ax back? You know people today, they always want everything rushed and all so I think I should get back to that family, you know...  
  
Bruce: Oh, yes of course.  
  
Bruce leaves. The camera stays on Dave, Bruce's yelling and Tiger barking is heard. Finally Bruce comes back, holding the ax, but with his face fairly mangled and maimed, though he still seems very chipper.  
  
Bruce: Here you go.  
  
Dave: Thank you.  
  
Dave turns to leave again, but stops and turns around.  
  
Dave: Oh, and can you um... Not mention this whole thing to anybody, 'cause you know... -takes the ax and motions it toward Bruce, like he is chopping- Chop! Chop!  
  
Bruce chuckles, nervously, while Dave laughes maniacly, then walks off. Bruce looks around outside, from the door, then closes the door and locks it.  
  
-Fade to black-  
  
  
  
  
-Woman with a million cats [Part 2]-  
  
Kevin has marks on his face and hands, and is being wheeled out of his house on a stretcher, that is being pushed by Mark and Scott.  
  
Kevin: Oh, thank you, AGAIN... For a second I thought those cats were going to eat me alive.  
  
Mark and Scott chuckle lightly. Then lift Kevin up and place him in the back on thier ambulance. Once he is inside Scott hops in the back and straps Kevin down onto the stretcher, with three leather straps.  
  
Kevin: W-what are those for?  
  
Scott: Well, it's not like we want you freakin' out while we're tryin to drive.  
  
Kevin: Huh?  
  
Mark: Look, lady, for the last time... There were NO cats.  
  
Kevin: What?! Yes, yes, there WERE cats... And they were going to eat me ALIVE!  
  
Scott: Yea, sure.  
  
Mark and Scott laugh again, Scott hops back out of the back and slams the doors. But their laughes are still heard, as the camera stays on Kevin.  
  
Kevin: Well, at least the cats can't get me in here.  
  
The ambulance starts and begins to move slowly down the street. Then a slight tapping is heard on the roof of the ambulance, Kevin still looks calm, but begins to tense up. Then three cat heads appear, looking down through the windows on the doors, as they sit on the roof of the car.  
  
Kevin: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
-Fade credits and theme-  
  
  
******If you review... Be kind... 


End file.
